Dear Frustrated Wife,
I’m not sure who coined the phrase : “Women marry men with the hope they will change. Men marry women with the hope they won’t.” But they were wrong, well, at least partially.
I didn’t hope my husband would change. I was madly in love with him. He was perfect. But fast forward a few years (4+ to be exact) and I now have a list of things that I am constantly badgering him about.
- When are you going to put those picture frames up?
- Why don’t you wake up earlier?
- Do you realize how many hours of sports you have watched today?
- Why don’t you get more involved with the church?
- Why aren’t you more romantic?
Do any of those sound familiar to you?
Surely, as their wife and life-long partner it’s our duty to help them become the best person they can be. Furthermore, as their wife and the person closest to them, we know exactly in which ways they need to change and the best way for them to do it.
Or do we?
Today, my youngest figured out that he could reach the books on the second shelf. Books on the first shelf are his, books on the second shelf are mine. As he was taking them down and putting them on the couch I decided to sit down and read a few pages.
This book was given to me as a wedding gift, it’s called : The New Building Your Mate’s Self-Esteem. I read a few chapters a couple years ago but never got through the whole thing. I flipped to a random page and there it was. My a-ha moment, staring me right in the face:
Do you believe God is bigger than your mate? Do you believe God is fully capable of getting his attention? Do you feel God must use you to get your spouse’s heart turned toward Him?
Sometimes we forget that God loves our mates more than we do, that He desires that they be totally yielded to Him. As Christians, we often have little understanding of God’s ingenuity and power. We act as if He were some weak, senile old man who needs our help to do His work. This is especially true in our thinking about our mates. We feel that we alone can straighten out our spouses.
God loves my husband more than I do. God knows my husband more than I do. God wants my husband to be completely committed to Him more than I want that. So I really need to step down and let God do His thing.
Because really, who am I to point out the sliver in his eye when I have a log in my own.
So, my dear frustrated friend,
our job is to love our husbands and to support them. They need to know that we stand behind them and love them for who they are. We need to pray for them and we can try our best to be a good example for them.
Oh and since it’s not our job to change our mates, we might as well let go of the frustrations too. Offer them up to God and focus on all the positive traits that you love about your husband.
- his integrity
- his good work ethic
- the way he makes you laugh
- all the time he spends with the children
- his honesty
- the way he gets along with your family
- his willingness to try new things
You’ll have fallen madly in love with him all over again in no time! 🙂
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